Understanding the Transgender Community

I'm cisgender. That means that the gender I identify with matches the one I was given at birth. (pretty much most of the planet is cisgender, but we can discuss the value of actually naming the term later) However, I get asked a lot about issues relating to gender identity. I don't mind these questions at all, and have taken pains to educate myself on the subject anyway, but for a long time, it was very hard for me to explain gender identity to people in a way that makes sense. It doesn't make sense, not unless you are part of the less than 1% of the population that is some sort of gender variant. If you're born cisgender, then understanding that anyone could be anything else is very difficult. Your gender identity is intrinsically tied to your body, and the idea that it could be different just doesn't click.

What I've especially noticed lately is a lot of people who get it to a point. They understand that there are people out there who are trans -after all, let's face it, that's simply a fact, and any rationally-minded individual is going to understand that fact. However, they don't get why you would be that way, or what that means. They know you are, but they still don't understand, and explaining it in terms of gender doesn't ever break that mental block they have.

Unfortunately, this is no way to create a good ally. All this does is silence objection; it doesn't build support. And I know my dear transgender cousins could really use a lot of support. So here it is. The one argument I have found that makes sense when explaining gender to people who are cis. More than any other way of explaining, I've seen cisgender people have an "aha" moment with this. Now, this may be a little triggering, but the reason this argument works is because  it evokes a strong emotional feeling, so I'd really encourage everyone to read it if you can.

Insecurity

Imagine, if you will, the biggest insecurity you have about your body. The one thing you wish you could change. We all have one, whether we admit it or not. It can sound insignificant, but thinking about that part of you makes you feel down on yourself, and nothing you do makes you feel better. It could be something like weight, but probably it's something more permanent like a body part that just doesn't look right, or a scar on your face, or maybe even asthma. Whatever it is, it bothers you a lot, and it's bothered you for a long time.

Now imagine that the very first thing anyone saw when they looked at you was that one thing. When they came over to greet you, they brought up your biggest insecurity. Whenever someone -maybe even a friend -introduced you to someone else, the first thing they told that other person was your biggest insecurity. Whenever you had to apply for a job, you had to disclose your biggest insecurity. In fact, every single government document wants you to share with them your biggest insecurity.

You can't hide it from anyone anywhere. It's not just something you see in the mirror -though that's true too. You can't even go to the bathroom without having your insecurity thrown in your face. 

And this doesn't just happen once. This happens every day. Every single day, someone is going to bring up your insecurity about yourself. Every single day, someone is going to judge you harshly for the very thing you hate about yourself.

What if you could make that stop? What if you could change that one piece of you? You'd be the same person afterwards right? You'd just be happier. More confident. When people called you by name, it reminded you of how much you've overcome. Things would be hard at first, but then you'd get comfortable, and the people around you would forget about your insecurities. They'd see you the way you want to be seen. Wouldn't you give anything, to have an insecurity like that erased?

This is the relationship transgender people have with their gender. It's not just about wanting to change their gender -it's something about themselves that they hate. People who are transgender feel no connection to that part of who they are -and yet with gender-specific bathrooms, male/female categories on government forms, and gendered names and pronouns, they are daily, repeatedly, being reminded of the one thing about themselves they wish to change the most.

This isn't to say that transitioning fixes everything. It doesn't. And it isn't to say that the transgender experience is completely horrible. Everyone has problems. But it certainly helps to have support on your side.

So the next time that you run into an issue relating to the transgender community, or balk at using someone's pronouns, think of this; how would you feel if someone was using your insecurities against you? 

PMS is Bullshit

And unfortunately, I don't mean in the sense that it sucks when you are on it. Sociologists have studied PMS backwards and forwards, and they've concluded that PMS probably isn't biological. The more likely cause is that it's psychosomatic.
Now, I've tried to explain this to half a dozen people this week, and only the men took me on my word, so for you ladies out there, I'm going to explain this slowly. Psychosomatic does NOT mean that there are no symptoms. It does NOT mean that you are not experiencing PMS. All it means is that any symptoms you are experiencing have little to do with biology, and more to do with mentality.
What does it mean if PMS is mental? It means that you thought that those were the symptoms you were supposed to have, so you gave yourself those symptoms.
There are some things that placebo effects can't create. They can't make you bleed, they can't make your organs fail, etc. What they can do is make you nauseous  give you pain in any location, give you rash, give you mood swings, give you sweats etc. There are a lot of things that you wouldn't think a placebo could cause that happen solely because we think they are supposed to happen. PMS is, studies show, more this and less biology.

So now the question (if you haven't already dismissed the premise) is why.
1) In order to be a disorder, it has to be track-able  It has to happen to a statistically significant number of women for the correlation to exist, and it has to have a certain number of symptoms that happen; of those, women must have some, though the symptoms that each experience varies. This is untrue. Studies have found virtually no correlation to time of month and mood reported with PMS specifically, and the list of symptoms attributed to PMS is over 150.

2) In order to be a disorder, it has to effect women of any society. This is untrue. Some societies do not consider PMS to be a disorder, and the women of these societies do not experience menstrual cramps. Furthermore, the symptoms experienced and severity of PMS varies from society to society.

This gives a very good indication already that PMS is in part psychosomatic, if it varies from culture to culture and doesn't have an agreed set of symptoms. However, the more important point is how women perceive PMS versus how it actually affects them.

I learned in a gender class that there was a study done over the course of six months where the women were told to record their mood throughout the day. Then, at the end of the month, they were told to look back and indicate any points where they were particularly moody. The goal was to see if PMS actually did affect mood. What researchers found was that the overall mood during one's menstruation was not likely to be any more emotional than any other part of the month, but women were more likely to look back on this time and attribute a worse mood. In other words, women attributed bad mood to PMS where there was none.

This is one of the tricks our mind plays on us. We see patterns everywhere. So when someone says that PMS will give you mood swings, we look back and say, "Oh I was moodier then wasn't I?" and unfairly attribute any shift in mood to menstruation. Record your own mood, over several months, every day. Mark when you are actually menstruating, and see if there actually is a correlation. I guarantee that for 1-9% of the individuals suffering from PMDD, there will be a negative correlation associated with menstruation. But for the rest of the population, there will not be a statistically significant decrease in mood during that time. That's because things happen all the time that make us sad. It's just life.

Why this is important

If it were just a matter of proving myself right, I wouldn't actually care. I don't really know if I'm right or not; I've just yet to see any factual information that proves me wrong. Everyone who argues with me on this point says, "I experience PMS, therefore PMS is real" and that is NOT an argument. I experience gay sex; that doesn't mean everyone else does. 

But it's not about that. It's really not. It's about the fact that the continued determination that women have to justify PMS as an explanation for their fluctuations in mood is inhibiting the Feminist's Movement. There's all these men out there who are convinced that women would be bad leaders because they can't control their mood. The President is supposed to keep a cool head on his shoulders at all times, and one of the arguments against female leaders is they have menstrual cycles. Their mood is not controlled by their head, but by their body. So what's to say that she won't snap, and react emotionally, and damage international relations or start a war?

Yes, people really believe that. And saying "Leave me alone I'm PMS-ing" only makes it worse, because you are telling every guy out there that yes, you cannot control your mood. Yes, your mood is subjective to biology in the same way that the tides are subjective to the phases of the moon. Yes, you cannot control your emotions, or yourself, and sometimes, you just can't handle life, so you have to curl up with a box of ice cream and a chick flick. Like a raging stereotype. Because God forbid anyone treat you like a normal human being. You're a delicate flower, and you need to be pampered when you're menstruating.

I'm not saying that menstruation is pleasant. But women cannot continue to expect to be seen as men's equals if they insist that once a month, they are going to be moody and cranky and should be taken care of. You are inhibiting yourself for no reason. And if you continue to do so, continue to fight so angrily that "PMS does fucking exist" then you are never going to be seen as anything more than your biology. You are never going to be seen as a person; you are simply going to be seen as a woman. And if a woman is as moody as a teenager, can't control it, and can't stop it... well then. Why are you trying to convince the rest of the world to stop treating you like a child when that's apparently exactly what you want?