Stop it. Just stop it. They aren't gay for your benefit. So what right do you have to comment on it?
Now, I suppose this isn't that big a deal. I could let this slide. But I just find it insulting. In exactly the same fashion, it's obnoxious when men say "that's hot" in reference to lesbianism. They aren't gay for your benefit. They do not want you to be attracted to them. What, exactly, did you think would happen when you said that was hot? That she would grab the next available female and mack out with her? Or that she would screw up her face and say "Ew, gross."
Recently on a friend's page, they posted this picture:
That's John Barrowman in a pair of red high heels, ladies and gentlemen.
For some reason, this prompted someone who, as far as I can tell is a straight woman, to say, "Mr Barrowman doesn't know it yet, but we're getting married someday. He's too fantastic to let go."
To which I responded, "Mr. Barrowman is already married."
It's kind of normal to have celebrity crushes. So I wasn't really gonna nitpick this one. I was going to point out the fact that he's married, and leave it at that. However, the response immediately after was this: "His husband is also welcome to marry me. Sharing is caring, after all."
It's hard for me to explain how truly offensive this is. Granted, she probably wasn't terribly serious. But the casual nature in which we objectify people is really starting to get out of hand.
Let's imagine for a moment, this same scenario, but you were dating the person. You are dating an attractive male and some other girl comes up to you and says, "I think your boyfriend is really hot. Do you mind if I have sex with him?"
I genuinely doubt that's going to go over very well. Or maybe the scenario is this: you're dating the other girl. And she says, "man, those two gay men are crazy hot. I'm fantasizing myself having a threesome with them."
I doubt you feel very good in bed right now if your girlfriend is having a fantasy about gay men.
Plus, it reduces that individual down to a sex object. Never mind his activism, his ability as an actor, his good heart, or the fact that he's already married, you just want to fuck his brains out. Is that all anybody is? A sex object?
It really doesn't feel good to hear someone say "oh too bad" or "that's hot" in regards to someone's orientation. They are not straight or gay for your benefit. Is it too bad when someone you have a crush on finds a boyfriend? Yes. Because we are greedy, selfish people. But would you go up to the boyfriend and say, "I think it's really too bad that you two are dating because I'd rather it were me?"
No? That's mean and petty? Oh well then I don't know why it's okay to do it so long as you aren't doing it to their face, or their significant other's face.
I know there's a lot of bigger problems that I could be worrying about. In the long run, this one is not that major. But like I said, it's something that just peeves me off. I know it's not that important. I think it's just really annoying and hypocritical that we're so okay with reducing people down to sex objects. People are not objects. They are people. And we really need to stop being disappointed in someone's orientation just because that orientation isn't "madly in love with me personally."
Actually, I would say this is very important. It is often the little things that begin the process of dehumanizing, which people often do not see until it is so severe that it becomes an active, as opposed to passive, tool to propagate hatred and destroy/victimize the minority being dehumanized. I'm really glad that you wrote this because we all often forget the power and implications of our own words, especially in reference to sex and intimacy. I know I'm guilty of speaking irresponsibly all the time, and it's a good reminder to have someone put it all into perspective. Thank you.
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